When They Push You Until You Break (Then Blame You For It)

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Sexual coercion

According to Dr. Stuckman-Johnson, sexual coercion is the act of using pressure, alcohol, drugs or force to have sexual contact with someone against his or her will. It's persistent attempts to have sexual contact with someone who has already refused. Simply put; sexual coercion is being persuaded to have sex or engage in any type of sexual activity when you don't want to. It is when someone tries to make you feel you have to have sex, or that having sex is the right choice, even when you have doubts. Sexual coercion is an onslaught of advances that too often are dismissed as "joking" or accepted as the societal norm. 

Coercive situations may not be obvious, even to the individual being coerced. Below are some examples of commonly used coercive behavior. 

Verbal Pressure: Begging, flattery, name calling, tricking, arguing, lying or misleading. For example: "You are just so hot/fine/sexy, I can't help myself." "I am so turned on. Please don't make me stop now." "Please. You know you want it." 

Emotional Pressure: Taking advantage of the level of trust or intimacy in a relationship. Exploiting your emotions or threatening the loss of the relationship. Making you feel guilty about not engaging in sexual activity and wearing you down by using the same tactic over and over again. Phrases like these may be used: "If I don't get it from you, I will get it from someone else." "I want to show you how much I care about you." "If you love me, you will have sex with me." "You have had sex before, what's the problem?"

Drugs/Alcohol: Alcohol in the context of sexual coercion is one of the most frequently methods by men and women to lower the victim's inhibitions ("loosen them up") or lessen their verbal resistance to sexual advances. 

Can He Rape Me if We’re Married?

Can He Rape Me if We're Married?

Stealthing can be another type of rape abusers may use. This is when a rapist-abuser removes a condom before or during sex without their partner’s consent. This can lead to an increased risk of sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy, the latter of which is a way some abusers try to trap survivors in a relationship. For more information, see our Guide to Reproductive and Sexual Coercion.

7 signs your husband is sexually abusing you (and what to do about it)

7 signs your husband is sexually abusing you (and what to do about it)

2. He refuses to practice safe sex

Experts say sexual abuse includes being forced to participate in any degrading, unwanted or unsafe sexual act. This means even if you consent to sex with your husband, it’s still abuse if you asked him to wear protection and he refuses.

Sexual abuse includes any situation where someone forces you to do uncomfortable intimate acts. If you’re comfortable using protection, your partner should respect and uphold that.

7. He insults and criticizes your body

Sexual harassment ranges from degrading remarks to inappropriate physical contact. This includes your spouse insulting your body and your looks. Your sweetheart should not shame you for the way you look — a loving husband will never harm your self-esteem.

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean your body belongs to your husband. A healthy sexual relationship involves two people who respect each other and will never force the other to do something uncomfortable or harmful.

Contact the U.S. National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673). You can also chat online to receive support, information and advice from a trained specialist.

Sexual coercion: What it is, examples, and getting help

Sexual coercion: What it is, examples, and getting help

• Using substances: A person may encourage someone to use drugs or alcohol to make them more compliant and therefore easier to coerce into sex. If a person has sex with someone while inebriated or unconscious, this is rape.

A person may use sexual coercion alongside other types of abuse, such as coercive control. This involves demanding control over many aspects of their partner’s life, such as:

• what they wear
• where they go
• who they socialize with

Demeaning or insulting comments, humiliation, and gaslighting may also wear down someone’s self-esteem.