Tina Marie’s Music and Musings: June 2024

Wednesday, June 26, 2024

Me and My Imagination ((Stonebridge Vocal Mix))

Monday, June 24, 2024

Colleen D'Agostino feat. deadmau5 - Stay (Drop The Poptart Edit)

Break My Heart (Moodymann Remix)

Sunday, June 23, 2024

If only I could sleep

Seeya Lyrics

Don't wake me up, I'm winning wars inside my head
And maybe I'm weak, but not beneath the covers of this bed
Asleep, I'm undefeated in this world of mine
So, let me stay inside this dream and keep me from the light

I've built this place, behind my eyes, you'll never see
And you can move my body, but please keep my mind asleep
Beyond the galaxies, where there's no space or time
I will transform, I am reborn to rule over the skies

If I Have to Stand Alone (Raw Mix)

Saturday, June 22, 2024

Lights Out (Go Crazy) - Extended Version

Thoughts on death and grief

Philip K. Dick, Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said:

Grief causes you to leave yourself. You step outside your narrow little pelt. And you can’t feel grief unless you’ve had love before it - grief is the final outcome of love, because it’s love lost. […] It’s the cycle of love completed: to love, to lose, to feel grief, to leave, and then to love again. Grief is the awareness that you will have to be alone, and there is nothing beyond that because being alone is the ultimate final destiny of each individual living creature. That’s what death is, the great loneliness.

I made a protected post at my other site. I posted it there because I can’t protect my posts here. It’s directed at someone but I don’t think they’ll ever see it (they stopped following my blog months ago). I don’t plan on sharing it with them. I just needed to vent.

If You Got a Problem

Battle Scars

Remember

I Can Only Imagine

Thursday, June 20, 2024

Dreams

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Heat, Sleep, and PTSD

My air conditioner can’t handle this heat and I can’t get comfortable enough to sleep. That and the heat doesn’t help with my pain, either. To top it off, the one time that I could sleep, I woke up having had a nightmare. I can’t fall back asleep afterward because I just return to the same nightmare. I’m going to have to research if there’s a supplement that helps because I really don’t want to go back on the doxazosin.

Chronically trapped in your own negative thoughts?

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is linked with a penchant for unshakable negative inner dialogues and intrusive thought patterns that just won’t quit.

Comedown

In The End

Beautiful

The Monster

My Time (Original Mix)

F-U, PTSD!

I’ve been overthinking, again. I’ve been trying to keep busy, except that I’m tired and need some sleep. The insomnia is triggering flashbacks and it’s affecting my mood.

Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Attention Whore

Sweet Dreams

Nutrition 6-18-24

I was excited that I actually didn’t go over my calorie limit until I saw the breakdown. Yikes! 😳

Sunday, June 16, 2024

SOS

Saturday, June 15, 2024

Lose Myself

Friday, June 14, 2024

Cut To The Feeling

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

Can’t Have It All

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

I Hate Everybody

F.F.F.

It’s good that I don’t have any friends!

The Joy of Platonic Love

This is surprisingly good. I thought that I wouldn’t like it, after reading how he met her. It makes me miss my best friend, Bill, though.

Policy of Truth

Some days…

…I just think that everything would be better if I left. Things will never return to what they were, before. The problem is, I don’t think that I’d be able to stop looking back this time.

Monday, June 10, 2024

Christina Aguilera again

Sunday, June 9, 2024

Mad Love

I hate this!

I can’t sleep. I don’t want to take Melatonin, again, because it makes me so drowsy.

I wish that I could get away and start all over.

So Happy I Could Die

Saturday, June 8, 2024

OMG! They killed Kenny!

I was putting the salad dressing away and noticed my South Park magnets. It reminded me that I’ve been missing the Kenny one since I moved here 18 years ago. I made them out of some stickers that came in a magazine that I had bought. South Park used to be my favorite. The Simpsons are good, too, but South Park is my favorite of the two.

30 Most Famous Albanians In The World [Jun 2024]

I noticed the other day that Dua Lipa, Bebe Rehxa, and Ava Max were all of Albanian descent. They’re all in my Apple Music dance music playlist. I haven’t listened to the other two, yet.

Update: I take that back. Rita Ora is in my playlist.

30 Most Famous Albanians In The World [Jun 2024]

4. Bebe Rexha is an Albanian-American singer and songwriter who is best known for her hit singles “Meant to Be” and “I Got You”. She has collaborated with numerous international artists and has been recognized for her powerful vocals and relatable lyrics.

5. Dua Lipa is an Albanian-British singer and songwriter who is best known for her hit songs “New Rules” and “Don’t Show Up”. She has won several awards, including the Grammy Award for Best New Artist, and is widely regarded as one of the leading voices in contemporary pop music. She just recently was granted Albanian Citizenship by the Albanian President.

6. Rita Ora is an Albanian-British singer and actress who is best known for her hit songs “Hot Right Now” and “How We Do (Party)”. She has collaborated with numerous international artists and has been recognized for her powerful vocals and charismatic stage presence.

7. Ava Max is an Albanian-American singer and songwriter who is best known for her hit single “Sweet but Psycho”. She has been recognized for her powerful vocals and innovative pop music and is widely regarded as one of the most exciting new artists in the music industry.
8. Era Istrefi is an Albanian singer and songwriter who is best known for her hit single “Bonbon”. She has gained international recognition for her pop-infused dance music and has been praised for her powerful vocals and captivating stage presence.

Friday, June 7, 2024

Emma Goldman quotes

Thursday, June 6, 2024

Giving You The Benefit

Almeda Sperry to Emma Goldman, 1912, by Jonathan Ned Katz

The Letters

Dearest. . . . If I had only had the courage enuf to kill myself when you reached the climax then -- then I would have known happiness, for at that moment I had complete possession of you. Now you see the yearning I am possessed with--the yearning to possess you at all time and it is impossible. What greater suffering can there be--what greater heaven--what greater hell? And how the will to live sticks in me when I wisih to live after posessiong you. Satisfied? Ah God, no! At this moment I am listening to the rhythm of the pulse coming thru your throat. I am surg(ing) along with your life blood, coursing through the secret places of your body.
I wish to escape from you but I am harried from place to place in my thots. I cannot escape from the rhythmic spurt of your love juice.[1]

Almeda Sperry to Emma Goldman, 1912, by Jonathan Ned Katz

These letters suggest that some kind of active sexual relationship did occur between the two women. There is also no doubt about the character and intensity of Sperry's feelings, so strongly and unambiguously expressed. The letters indicate that Goldman returned Sperry's affection, though with less passion and desperate need than Sperry felt.
In one undated, and atypically puritanical statement, Sperry tells Goldman:
Never mind about not feeling as I do. I find restraint to be purifying. Realization is hell for it is satisfying and degenerating.
In another undated letter Sperry writes to Goldman:
God how I dream of you! You say that you would like to have me near you always if you were a man, or if you felt as I do. Dearest, I would not if I could. I would soon die.... the thought of distance adds to my terrible pain--so pleasurable. I want no calm friendships. The thoughts of annihilation used to appeal to me. Today they do not. ...
The letters do suggest that Goldman in her personal relations with Sperry had come close to that tabooed homosexual activity which she early and publicly defended in lectures, to the chagrin of even her unconventional anarchist comrades. The writings of Goldman, Alexander Berkman, and Almeda Sperry suggest that at least some American anarchists were, at an early date, more than usually tolerant and open-minded about homosexuality.